i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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