my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
