There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
