Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
