thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
