I need help removing her.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
