nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize