last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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