You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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