just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
