every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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