I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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