Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
