Who wears a wallet chain?!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
