put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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