are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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