I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's blow job season.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
