I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
