Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize