I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
