Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
