somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
