Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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