dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
