I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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