Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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