the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
