people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
