I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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