he puts the penis in happiness.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
