everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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