No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
