girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
