so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
