Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The feeling are messing with the penis
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
