My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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