Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we're chasing vodka with high fives
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
