the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
