they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
