too bad you live with your parents still
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
