I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
