please come you make the beer taste better
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
