So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
