I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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