Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize