Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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