from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
