She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
