cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
