I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
