i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
