I hate all girls vehemently.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
