Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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