Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
