I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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