Pregnant stripper...not hot.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
