If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
