So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
