Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
