i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
