Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize